Baby Bomb
by baka411
Summary: Seto Kaiba wants revenge...but at what cost? Some major chibi action, and a lot of potty mouths!


A/N: Let's all keep in mind who brought what on whom. Little ficcie for the baby on her birthday! I wrote this for one of my best friends on her seventeenth birthday. It should be noted I own no part of Yu-Gi-Oh! And I did lose a kidney for this.  
  
Quick note: * denotes thought *  
  
Seto Kaiba rushed to the lab with utmost malicious glee. For the past few months, he'd been tirelessly researching the perfect revenge upon Yugi Mutou and his friends. The hours were grueling, the disappointment great, the number of failures greater. Now, after so long, he'd found a way.  
  
"Here you are, Kaiba-sama," the scientist proclaimed, holding up a vial that glowed green in the light. "It has taken a month less than predicted, and it has been tested as specified." Seto took the vial and giggled insanely; his day had come finally. The scientist bowed respectfully, pleased at Kaiba's approval. "Shall we begin creating an antidote?"  
  
Seto sneered. "What for?" he asked simply, then gave the inquiry some thought. "Perhaps you should begin formulating an antidote. Just in case." Deep in his mind, he laughed triumphantly. *The day of reckoning is nigh, Yugi Mutou. Just you wait.*  
  
~$@$~  
  
At the game shop, Yugi slept blissfully. It was approaching the hour of noon, and he'd been out late last night with Bakura and Ryou. without Yami's knowledge. Yami would have disapproved and kept him home if he'd known about all the drinking involved.  
  
His amethyst rolled open reluctantly falling first upon the clock by his bedside. Eleven-fifty-seven; he had three more minutes. He flopped over comfortably and let his eyes shut for sleepy-time. They shot open when he found he had company in his bed. "Ohayo."  
  
"YAMI!" Yugi gasped and sat up quickly. The sheet that covered his body flopped and crumpled to his lap, revealing his glorious nakedness from the waist up. He drew a sharp intake of breath as the pharaoh reached up and ran his fingers over each shallow groove of his pectorals. "You startled me! If you wanted 'company' you should have said something!"  
  
"And wake you?" Yami cooed, easing Yugi back down. The teen giggled at the feel of his dark entity's fingertips running down his side and toying with his underpants, the only sort of covering he had on his body. The Dark King leaned in close and let his whisper send chills through the body of his light. "You reek of alcohol, aibou."  
  
All the romantic passion that built up now vanished like a fart in the wind. Yugi sighed heavily and crawled out of bed, sex now out of the question. "Ryou and Bakura wanted to take me out last night. I had one drink, and Bakura got toasted and threw up by me. I was too tired to wash up, so I went to bed when I came home."  
  
Yami seemed to understand and got up to wrap his arms around the lad. "Then your top priority would be to wash, would it not?" he purred seductively. Yugi blushed mightily, dreading what it was Yami had in mind. "Shall I start the water? I'll wash your back if you wash mine?"  
  
"Ecchi," Yugi admonished and broke away. "I can wash myself. Stay out of that bathroom if you know what's healthy." Cheated of his mid-day romp, Yami moodily stalked downstairs and flopped out on the couch. The shower hissed to life upstairs and became quieted by the slamming of the bathroom door. Twenty minutes later the water shut off, and five minutes more passed before Yugi came down the stairs, fully clothed and smelling of sweet botanicals. He reached for his jacket and slipped his shoes on, smiling sweetly to Yami. "I'm gonna go check on Ryou and Bakura. I'll come home when I can."  
  
"You're not going alone, aibou," Yami firmly proclaimed and followed him out. Before they'd even stepped out of the threshold the King of Games shoved Yugi to the ground, diving after him to shield him. A resounding THWOK made them both look up, and the screeching tires of the limousine reached not two seconds later. "It's called the POSTAL SERVICE, Kaiba! Give it a try!"  
  
Yugi got to his knees and tried to help Yami up. "Are you all right?" he asked, ignoring his own scraped knees and elbow in favor of checking his dark side for injury. To his relief, Yami was unharmed. Of course his relief disappeared as Yami picked him up and carried him to the kitchen, setting him on the counter.  
  
"Take off your pants," he demanded, earning him a resounding smack. Outraged, Yami puffed up like a pigeon caught in a winter draft. "What the Hell was that for?! I'm trying to help and you smack me?!"  
  
" 'Take off your pants'?!" Yugi shouted in indignation. "What kind of help is that?! There isn't a problem there!" He calmed down and rolled up his pant legs, showing his scrapes off like medals he didn't care to have. "See? That's all that happened; I'll live." He smiled as Yami knelt down and kissed his raw knees tenderly, causing him to magically discover more hurts. The Pharaoh played along, drawing the line at the boo-boo on Yugi's backside.  
  
Much to Yugi's displeasure, however, Yami had him wear Band-Aids and protective pads on his knees and elbows. Figuring things couldn't possibly get any worse, the clouds parted and the voice of God proclaimed, "Did you really think you would get off that easily?"  
  
Jounounchi and Honda, naturally bickering and inadvertently flirting, were on their way to Yugi's to basically stir up trouble. It was also a bit of a business trip; they'd both received a formal-looking invitation from Kaiba Corporation and they wanted to collaborate to make sure it wasn't some elaborate trap. Honda pulled the motorcycle over along the curb and killed the engine, smacking Jou on the back of the head before he dismounted.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" the blonde demanded, waiting for Honda to remove his helmet before booting him in the ass. The brunette whirled around and readied to retaliate when he unexpectedly felt his malice give out. Jounounchi was beautiful when he was upset. The boy folded his arms over his chest and waited for the brunette to explain himself. "Well?"  
  
Honda grinned evilly and winked. "Because it was there," he stated, skipping away merrily while Jou seethed and boiled with anger. Revenge was set aside temporarily while the arrivals got an eyeful of poor Yugi. Laughter bubbled out of Jounounchi, making Yugi's face redden. Ever the compassionate one, Honda walked up to him and took a good long look at his friend before he slammed the helmet onto his head. "There; that should keep you covered too."  
  
Yugi wildly protested to this treatment, flailing his arms and shouting. "Hey! Get it off Honda! It reeks like sweat and cheap shampoo in here! Shut up, Yami! It's not funny!" In an instant, a sour-faced Honda removed the helmet, and Yugi took that time to rip off the protective pads Yami made him wear. Jou had an evil comment set up, but his laughter was simply too crippling. "Damare! Yami started all of this!"  
  
"Actually, it was Seto," Yami stated, picking up the sports gear Yugi shed. "Take these back inside and get that invite out of the door. We'll talk when you come back." The wait was not long, for Yugi was anxious to begin discussion. It took some time to remove the paper from the wood, and even then he received the tiniest cut from the razor's edge. He hid this from his partner to avoid living out the rest of his days in a plastic bubble. "Now," the King began once Yugi had returned, "What brings you two out here? I'd imagine by the looks of those papers that there's more than a friendly call here."  
  
Honda nodded and opened his mouth to speak, but Jounounchi cut him off. "We got these this morning and we wanted to see if you'd gotten them too. It says we've been invited to a big party Kaiba's throwing on Saturday, but it doesn't say why he's throwing it." He opened the invite he held and pointed to a specific line. "It said we're all invited, so I figured it was a trap."  
  
"Good thing Shizuka, Mai, and Anzu are in America now," Honda sighed. He made it appear he worried about the safety of the women, but nothing could be further from the truth. *Yes, it's very good. I have Jounounchi all to myself and I don't have to worry about anyone else distracting him.* He sweatdropped as all three men looked at him oddly, Jounounchi weirdest of all. Honda wiped the drool from his chin and straightened up, trying to ac cool. "Nan da? Am I wrong to be worried about them?"  
  
"Sex fiend," Jou snarled, immediately shifting his thoughts to his sister and Mai. He hoped they were all right out there in the States, but Mai had connections, so he wasn't too worried. Getting serious, he held up the invite and growled. "So what do we do?"  
  
Yami thought for a moment about Seto and the prospect of a trap. *Kaiba's cunning, I'll grant. But what could he possibly do now? I'll kick his ass in Duel Monsters again if I have to. Maybe then he'll get it.* "I don't see why we shouldn't attend. It would be rude to turn him down." Quickly he turned to Yugi and smiled. "I almost forgot, aibou. Let's see to Ryou and Bakura now. Perhaps they would like to come party with us."  
  
~$@$~  
  
Seto went around, seeing to all final preparations for his party. He left it up to his scientists to lace every consumable with his revenge serum, figuring they were hungry enough for food and stupid enough to drink alcohol.  
  
Mokuba hated parties, but liked talking to Yugi. He ran downstairs and went to his brother's side eagerly. "Nii-sama, can't I stay up a little longer and see Yugi? I promise I'll go to bed after I say 'hi' at least! Please, Nii-sama? Pretty please?"  
  
Seto gave this great thought. "No. This isn't just a party; this is my revenge for Duelist Kingdom and all those other times I've been slighted by that Yugi Mutou. Besides, you're too young to drink." Hating to see Mokuba so disappointed, the eldest Kaiba knelt down and smiled. "As soon as I have my revenge I'll take you anywhere you want to go in the whole wide world and do anything you want. Okay?" Mokuba nodded reluctantly. Seto pat his shoulder and stood up. "Okay. Now go get ready for bed; my victims will be here soon."  
  
Mokuba obeyed, given little choice to do much else. He went to his room and slid into his jammies, muttering under his breath as he crawled under his covers. *I don't want to travel all over the world, Nii-sama. I want you to stop trying to get your revenge on Yugi. Have you ever taken a moment to notice nothing you try works?!* He stopped and looked to his door. "Come in."  
  
One of Seto's attendants entered, holding a mug of green tea. "Mokuba- san," he said, his voice full of sympathy. "I felt bad that you couldn't attend your brother's party, so I brewed a cup of tea to help you sleep. It's not much, I admit."  
  
Mokuba gingerly took the mug and thanked the kind servant. *I'll sneak downstairs later, he decided, sipping the tea. I'll say 'hi' to Yugi and maybe sneak a small sip of something. I hope they have vodka down there.*  
  
~$@$~  
  
Within the hour, Yugi and Yami arrived with Ryou, Bakura, Jounounchi, Honda, and Malik. The seven proved they could dress sharp if the occasion called, but Bakura looked like he'd prefer the humiliation of a chicken suit compared to the tuxedo Ryou lent him for tonight. At the sight of the bar, though, Bakura and Malik were gone. Ryou sighed heavily, wandering over to them to keep them in line as best he knew how.  
  
Jounounchi threw himself at the food, but Honda hung back with Yugi and Yami. "I ate before I left," he explained. "So did Jou, but there's no filling him if you tried."  
  
Yugi laughed quietly while Yami managed an amused nod. For extra safety, Yugi kept his thirst down by sucking on a mint he'd brought from home. He had a small tin of them in his pocket if he needed to replenish at any time. He even tricked Yami into one, which the pharaoh didn't wholly object. "Stay by me, aiboì," the King instructed as he grabbed Yugi's wrist. "If this is an ambush, I don't want you disappearing in the confusion."  
  
The teen giggled seductively. "How do you know I won't cause it?"  
  
About then the 'life of the party' descended the stairs, smiling evilly and holding a water glass. "A toast, everyone," he regally proclaimed, urging everyone to take up their beverages. "To finally putting all this Duel Monsters nonsense behind us. Now we can move on with our lives."  
  
At 'cheers', everyone looked to drink deep of their cups. Yami put his lips to his glass but did not drink, Yugi simply lifted his glass and then dropped it, Honda and Jou did not accept any drinks, and Malik and Bakura were too busy being scolded by Ryou to hear the toast.  
  
*Drink, you little bastards, Kaiba laughed. It won't be long now before those drugs take affect. Then, Yami, you and I will be rid of that pipsqueak of a duelist. Soon now.* Before he could get to his dramatic evil laugh, he blacked out and hit the floor.  
  
Bakura, Malik, and Ryou dropped as well. Jounounchi hit the table before he hit the floor, dragging the table with him. "I knew it," Yami seethed in frustration while Honda and Yugi went around and checked to be sure that everyone was still alive. "Those drinks, the food, everything was drugged."  
  
"Shouldn't we move them?" Yugi begged, lifting Bakura's hand and watching it drop like a lead balloon. "We can't leave them here; not like this." Yami looked at him curiously, which made Yugi sigh in frustration. "Don't give me that 'why' look! If you don't help me move them, I swear I'll get a sex change and join a convent!"  
  
Yami's brows knitted irately. "Don't you threaten me, Yugi Mutou! I doubt it highly you want me to grab an orange off the table like last time!" The threat was lost on Honda, but Yugi shook his head vehemently. The Pharaoh smiled. "I thought so. Now get rid of all these consumables while Honda and I move the bodies. No, aibou, they aren't dead!"  
  
Immediately all food and beverages were removed from the facility and promptly destroyed. (Yugi proved to be quite the little pyro). Yami laid out the bodies in the dining room and covered them with sheets for warmth. "Jounounchi," Honda moaned as he drew the sheet up to the blonde's chin. "Jou-kun, what has happened to you? Why won't you wake your ass up? I'd kill you if I weren't so worried! If you're having an allergic reaction, I'll make you walk home!"  
  
"Honda, I doubt he can hear you. Save your energy for now and try to find someone who can figure out what's wrong with this lot." Yami sat down on the floor beside Kaiba and shrugged. "I'll stay here and wait for someone to wake up." *Bakayaro.*  
  
~$@$~  
  
Kaiba's eyes rolled open to see Yami looking down at him. "Oh my head.what happened?" He brought his hand up to his aching head and now noticed that something was amiss. "Nani?! How did this. they were only supposed to infect the food and the alcohol!"  
  
"So this was a trap," Yami snarled, his eyes narrowing. Seto sat up and looked around, but nearly fell back as Yami leaned in closely, towering over him. "I figured as much. Surely you know I cannot stand alcohol and I do not eat outside of the house. Honestly, how dumb can you be?"  
  
*Matte. Yami and I are.alone. Perhaps this could prove to be.NOOOO!* Seto facefaulted as none other than Yugi Mutou entered the room and held Yami's shoulders. "AFTER ALLTHE WORK I'VE DONE AND YOU'RE STILL WHOLE! WHY DO YOU MOCK ME?!"  
  
Yugi jumped as another chibi-ish voice whined. "Damare, Kaiba. I.I have a tummy-ache." The chibi-fied Jounounchi nearly fell back asleep, but his eyes flew open when he discovered his unsettling physical dilemma. "KAIBA NO KISAMA! What did you do to me?!"  
  
"JOUNOUNCHI!" Honda wept joyously and flew into the room Rivers of tears poured from his eyes as he lifted the transformed blonde and crushed him in a tight embrace. "Jounounchi-kun, I was so worried! Baka, I thought you would die! I could kill you for all the worrying you made me do! Matte." He loosened his hold and got a decent eyeful of the boy he had dropped. "JOU! You.you're a.a naked baby!"  
  
Chibi-Jou plunked down on his exposed behind and shrieked. "BABY?! NAKED?!" Too mortified at being indecent and reduced to a mere toddler now, the baby burst out crying and kicked his legs in a tantrum. "KAIBA I'LL HAVE YOUR BALLS FOR THIS! Waaaaah, I wanna be normal again!" He calmed his tantrum to sniffles as Honda scooped him up and cuddled him sweetly, wrapping him in his shirt from last night.  
  
Ryou sat up and groaned. Oh dear, where am I?" He looked around and finally caught a glimpse of Yugi, Yami, Honda, and the chibis they tended to. To say he was confused would be quite the understatement. Despite this, he smiled and waved good-naturedly. "I say, why are there infants in here?"  
  
"HE'S NOT AFFECTED EITHER?!" Seto wailed. "Why does nothing I do work?! YOU PEOPLE SUCK IN THE WORST WAY! WHY WON'T YOU JUST DIE?!" He felt a little better when Yami picked him up, but promptly began searching for a weapon when he was handed to Yugi. "PUT ME DOWN, MUTOU! PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT!"  
  
Yami whacked him on the back of the head, in turn earning him a slap from his hikari. "That's not polite, Yami! Sure he tried to poison me and get his revenge, but kicking him while he's down is simply rude and uncalled for!"  
  
"But that's half the fun!" Malik was awake now, and running about in all his naked toddler glory. Teenage Ryou gasped and quickly picked him up, blushing nearly beyond recognition. Malik became rather indignant and fought to be freed. "Hey! How'd you get so big?!"  
  
Ryou was still confused. "I daresay the question ought to be, 'how'd you shrink'?" Yami took a minute to explain the situation for the baffled teen, and then Ryou's face lit up with understanding. "Oh of course! I suppose this does seem a tad awkward. You see, I feel quite lightheaded at the smell of liquor, and I faint if the scent is too strong. Malik and Bakura were consuming so much near me all at once and down I went."  
  
Speak of the devil, chibi-Bakura had woken up and realized his plight. He leapt out of his nest of sheets and took off running to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him and locking it. This was done so he could panic in private. *What the HELL happened to me?! How do I get myself out of this one?* His head spun so quickly to the door, it would have fallen off if he weren't careful. "Go away, Ryou!" he squeaked; being a toddler seemed to make his emotions uncontrollable. "I don't wanna come out! Just let me die in here!"  
  
"Bakura, it'll be okay," Ryou soothed, his voice soft and sweet. Bakura felt drawn to the voice, but kept his distance and sniffled. "Please don't lock yourself up in there. I won't laugh at you or anything. I want to help you get better, I promise. Now come on out here so I can get you covered up a little. Please?" he smiled as the chibi slid the door open and sniffled up at him, looking the very picture of dejection. Ryou knelt down and let his yami run into his arms and bawl, covering his tiny shoulders with the shirt. "See? I'll find you some decent clothes when we go home. Don't cry, Bakura; this is only temporary."  
  
Yugi smiled despite Kaiba's screeching. Ryou was handling this very well. He did not voice this feeling, mostly because Honda invaded his mind and addressed the clothes issue. "Yugi, these four need clothes. Poor Jounounchi will catch a cold if he isn't careful." Chibi-Jou punched him for that, but the gesture didn't have the strength it was usually backed with. Honda simply smiled and grabbed the baby's fist, kissing it playfully. "KAWAIIIII!"  
  
"That'll do, Honda," Yami insisted, seeing how red Jounounchi was getting. "I suppose we'll just have to improvise for now. The answer, I think, is clear-cut. Honda, you'll have to take care of Jounounchi until an antidote can be made, and Yugi and I will just have to care for Kaiba. Ryou, you'll be in charge of Bakura, and we'll all take care of Malik. Just to be fair."  
  
Ryou shook his head and took up Malik's little hand. "I can handle two of them. I doubt Malik would listen to you or anyone else anyway." He smiled as Malik fought to get away, but it was useless. "I'll take these two to my house to keep out of your way. Be sure to find an antidote soon, though. And I'll be sure to call you if I need help."  
  
"Excellent," Yami nodded in approval, glad to see Ryou had a level head on his shoulders. "Honda, I think you should stay here with us; there's no telling what would happen to a baby on your side of town, and a motorcycle is difficult to handle when balancing an infant in one arm." Honda nodded and cuddled chibi-Jou a little closer. The blonde didn't look like he minded too much. "Now, how to break this news to Mokuba."  
  
Kaiba's heart stopped. "Mokuba's heart will simply break when he sees what I've done." As if on cue, Mokuba came downstairs and sighed. He looked shorter and more youthful, but overall unchanged. Kaiba tried to hide his face, but Mokuba honed in on him in an instant.  
  
The boy looked stunned, unable to speak. Yugi swiftly went to him, trying to break the obvious lightly. "Mokuba, it'll be okay. Your brother just made a mistake, but it's not permanent. Yami, Honda, and I are going to stay here and help however we can. Don't worry." He smiled encouragingly as Mokuba opened is mouth to speak.  
  
"You're staying here?!" he exclaimed excitedly. Yugi nodded, a sweatdrop forming on the back of his head. Seto didn't look any happier, but he was comforted by the fact that Yami would be at least nearby. He didn't mind that at all. Mokuba immediately began cleaning up, disappearing in a frantic dustcloud of flailing arms and cleaning supplies. "Gommen! This house looks like a complete wreck! Here, let me tidy up a bit and you all can get comfortable in the living room. Go, go, hayaku!"  
  
Seto shook his head. "Odd, you're never this eager to help with chores when I ask you!" Mokuba never remarked about that, the awful din he created as he cleaned tuned out the real world. Yami sat down on the couch, and Yugi sat beside him. Seto immediately crawled away from the teen and nestled himself in Yami's lap. "I have one scientist working on an antidote right now. I'll tell him to increase the dose."  
  
Honda leaned against the couch, sitting on the armrest. Chibi-Jou held his arms out for Yugi, so Honda obliged. That proved to be a huge mistake, as Jounounchi crawled into Yami's lap and began throttling Seto. "Stupid dirty rotten no-good bitch! I'll kill you and bury your body in your own damn Duel Monsters arena! Jesus, do you have any idea how embarrassing this is?! HEY!" Jounounchi felt Honda pick him up and sit him firmly on his leg, his eyes narrowed admonishingly. "You're next, Monkey Boy, if you think I'll actually let you play my parent for however long this will last."  
  
"You're in no position to threaten me," Honda proclaimed, an evil smile crossing his features. "Now that you're like this, I wield supreme authority over you. That means I can treat you however I like. So there." Jounounchi countered this with a snide comment, one Honda didn't think was appropriate for an eighteen-year-old-turned-one year. "One more word like that and you're getting put down for early nap time."  
  
Yugi shook his head in amusement; poor Jounounchi. "Now that I think about it, you two will need some clothes and other things like bottles and diapers and whatnot." He jumped up and smiled. "I'll make a trip to the store right now and take Ryou with me. He'll need supplies for Bakura and Malik too." With that solved, Yugi disappeared.  
  
Yami looked over to Honda worriedly. "What do we do now?"  
  
Honda shrugged, holding Jounounchi away from a snarling Kaiba. "Pray to every god you can think of."  
  
~$@$~  
  
Later that day, after most of the confusion had died down and the boys were freshly diapered and dressed, the chibis played quietly in the TV room and consumed their popsicles under Honda's watchful eye. Silly Honda forgot he was mortal, and that he had to use the bathroom at some time. While he was gone, Kaiba decided he wanted to play a little game.  
  
Without thinking, he pulled the sucker out of his mouth and pointed out the hall. "What's Honda doing to that picture of your sister?" he asked cunningly, and Jounounchi took the bait.  
  
"That dirty bastard! I'll kick his ass for AAAUGH! COLD!" Jou jumped a foot into the air, Kaiba's green Popsicle now sticking out of the back of his diaper. He tried vainly to reach it and extract it, but it melted before he could do anything. "KAIBA!! Shinjimae, bakayaro!" Taking up his own blue Popsicle, he tackled Seto to the floor and shoved it into Kaiba's diaper, smearing it all over Seto's face beforehand. "Dirty rotten no good son of a."  
  
Honda loomed in the doorway, arms akimbo and eyes narrowed. "JOUNOUNCHI!" he shouted and lifted him up away from Seto, looking ready to shake the boy in his fury. "What did I tell you about cleaning up your language and getting along with Seto?! You just bought yourself an early nap time, bucko! But first, let's get you washed up."  
  
"BUT HONDAA!" Jounounchi wailed. "Kaiba started it! Why aren't you punishing him too?" Honda did not answer; he was busy removing the Popsicle stick from Jou's diaper. The blonde, fed up completely, burst out crying and beat his fists on Honda's shoulder and chest. "You hate me! You have it in for me! If Shizuka were like this you'd be singing a different tune completely!"  
  
The brunette rolled his eyes. "If Shizuka were in your condition and you were in mine, you wouldn't let me within ten feet of her." Jou didn't want to hear that, making it apparent when he began crying louder. Honda sighed heavily and turned to go into the bathroom. "Besides, what was that supposed to mean anyway?"  
  
Jounounchi turned away from his caretaker. "Don't give me that. I know how you feel about her." He quieted himself and listened to Honda turning on the water to draw up a bath for him. "You wouldn't even wait if she were like this; you'd just take it upon yourself to take care of her for the rest of her life."  
  
"Congratulations. You're once again making no sense to me." Honda checked the temperature of the water he'd been running and found it adequate for his little blonde. *You sound so hurt and confused .what are you saying?* Stripping Jounounchi of his clothes and diaper, he slid the chibi into the fragrant, sudsy water and pulled out a washcloth from a nearby cabinet. He lathered it up and gently began to scrub the boy, hoping to get a little more of an explanation out of him. "So, are you saying I'm trying to take her away from you?"  
  
"Iie," he sniffled, looking down to avoid Honda's eyes. "I mean.you sounded so relieved that she was in America, and you started drooling like a moron and got that distant look in your eyes after you said anything." He noted how softly Honda washed him, as though he were hesitant. "I guess what I'm getting at is.anou.." He took a deep breath and shouted into Honda's face. "You don't want me around! I'm an obstacle between you and Shizuka!"  
  
Honda sat down on the floor, looking surprised. Then, laughter bubbled out of him. Jounounchi looked ready to cry again, the disbelief etched in his face. The baby laid back in the water, prepared to drown himself to rid himself of his shame and hurt. The brunette tugged him back into a sitting position and wiped a tear of mirth from his eye. "Do you really think that?"  
  
Jou nodded, at a loss. "I thought you were my friend.I liked it when we were friends." He jumped slightly as Honda's lips caressed his tear- streaked cheek; he wasn't expecting that. Of course, it wasn't like he wasn't hoping for it either. "Honda?"  
  
"I want to show you how much more I care for you, but I can't right now. For obvious reasons." Honda continued to clean the child, his voice soft as he spoke. "I have feelings for Shizuka, I'll admit, but it's nothing like what feelings I have for you. Baka, I can't believe you really thought that up! But, I guess I should give you credit for thinking of that all by yourself. Hey!"  
  
Jounounchi giggled and whipped more sudsy water at the teen. "Wanna try that again?" he dared. "I'll just inevitably kick your ass like always." He dropped his handful of suds and let Honda pick him up and wrap him in a large, fluffy towel.  
  
Honda kissed his cheek again and laughed. "I told you once already. You're not in a position to be threatening me." He put Jounounchi in a sky blue duck-print flannel sleeper with feet and carried him to the guestroom they shared. The baby sighed heavily as he was placed in his collapsible crib and tucked in for his nap. Honda ruffled his hair gently. "Think of it this way. If you nap now, then you won't be sleepy during your regular naptime. That's more TV time for you and me."  
  
Jou nodded and yawned. Even if he weren't an infant, he'd be sleeping now for one reason or another. This was just a good excuse to nap without disturbance. "G'night, Honda," he mumbled, falling asleep almost instantly. Honda shook his head and mumbled a quick 'sweet dreams' before he shut out the lights and headed off to do other things.  
  
~$@$~  
  
A week passed since the Popsicle incident, and Popsicles were officially banned from the Kaiba house until further notice. Seto and Jounounchi didn't seem to care a whole hell of a lot; they had other ways of seeking revenge.  
  
Yugi and Yami took turns watching the two while Honda was off helping out where he could in the lab and helping to speed up the antidote's formulation. The sooner the antidote was made and administered, the sooner he and Jounounchi could get down to business.  
  
Mokuba only popped in and out on occasion to seek his older brother's advice. Seto guided him as best he knew how and continued to torture Jounounchi. Yugi tried to be gentle with both the infants, but Seto was making things difficult as usual. He tried to be fair, keeping in mind that they had only changed physically. It would have helped a lot more if Jou and Kaiba would act their ages.  
  
All the same, he was fair and tried never to yell or be cruel. Many times he sent them to their rooms if they misbehaved, which was quite often. Other times he made them forego dessert. Yami thought his hikari was acting like a little cream puff over the matter and used stricter forms of communication. If one misbehaved, he cut a huge stick off of a tree and brained the offender.which was usually Jou. Then, for emphasis, he brained the victim too. Neither one escaped Yami, and began to actually team up.  
  
Jou led the charge, fastening himself to Yami's ankle. "I gotta go potty," he said.  
  
Yami's lip curled back in disgust and he tried to free himself. "Why are you telling me? You're wearing your toilet." He tugged the baby off by the leg, making chibi-Jou squall loudly. "Shut up, Jou! This isn't child abuse, but I can fix OWOW! SETO!" He reached back and grabbed the stick the brunette wielded, sending poor Kaiba flying into the wall. "You two are absolutely dead! Get over here!"  
  
The chase was on, the babies pumping their tiny legs in a desperate attempt to escape the wrath of the Pharaoh. It wasn't too hard to figure out who won; Seto slammed the bathroom door in Yami's face, nearly trapping Jou outside. Before the two could breathe easy, however, the shower curtain moved aside, and Yugi Mutou looked down upon the infants in all his dripping wet glory. The reaction was instantaneous. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
Seto tore out of the bathroom, vainly trying to claw out his eyes and clear his mind of the horrid image that he had come across. Jou took off yelling in the other direction, running into walls in his attempt to find some form of shelter from Yami. After what they just saw, Yami would definitely not be too keen on letting them live.  
  
Yugi quickly wrapped himself in a bath sheet and went after the infants. "Jou! Seto! Come back, you'll get hurt if you run around like that! Come back, I'm not mad or anything!" Neither squalling child was in sight, but the duelist had a good idea where they might run. Quickly he took off to find the lab, but the sight of his darkness carrying the infants immediately halted him.  
  
"You little bastards are in for it now! I'd only beat you senseless for whacking me on the head with the stick! But Aibou?! NAKED?! Now you two are in for it! I'll have your flesh boiled in a vat of cooking grease! Your bones will be wrapped in crispy bacon to add to your suffering, and I'll find the biggest tube socks I can and shove an entire orange grove in them! You'll pray for your deaths before I even begin to warm up!!"  
  
"Crispy bacon, Yami?! That makes no sense at all! And if you even try anything involving socks and oranges I'll castrate you and airmail your testicles to Jii-san!" Yugi ran to Yami and snatched up the babies in his arms. He bit back a smile as he got an eyeful of the lumps on Yami's head. "Yami, what did you do?"  
  
Yami straightened up and tried to calm the Sennen Eye, which glowed so brightly it could melt a crayon in an instant. "THAT ONE!" He bellowed, pointing to Seto. "Him and Jounounchi! Jou grabbed my leg to distract me and Kaiba brained me! Then they ran to the bathroom to hide like cowards and then they saw you! I caught them at the stairs, screaming. They're dead, aibou!"  
  
Yugi shook his head. "They are not, Yami. Now calm down and pay attention." Turning to the babies he held, he put on a scowl that could make even Marik flinch. Jounounchi and Seto looked away from him, bowing their heads to avoid the piercing gaze. "While I'm very happy to hear you two were getting along, it doesn't excuse you from teaming up against Yami and whacking him on the head with a stick. Now, what do you say?"  
  
Seto shrugged. "He deserved it?" Jou burst out laughing, but was instantly quieted by Yugi's glare. Seto pleaded desperately to get out of trouble and at least get Yugi to stop scowling. He never knew he would ever be one- upped by some grinning fool for darkest scowl. "But he did! Every time he gets mad, we get beat with a stick!"  
  
"Honto?" Yugi said, now turning his glare to Yami. The Dark King shrank away, wishing Yugi would smile. Yugi got piss-your-pants scary when he got upset. And worse still, he was quiet about it. "Yami, I need to talk to you after this. Jou, you're going to explain yourself to Honda and he'll see to it you're punished fairly. Seto, you're going to bed right now. No excuses." The little light sped off, the hall filled with deafening silence.  
  
After Seto was tucked in and Jounounchi was within Honda's clutches, Yugi got dressed and went back to the Pharaoh. Poor Yami was desperate to look busy and try to avoid the fury radiating from his hikari. He tried not to fidget as Yugi approached him, still scowling fiercely. "Anou.aibou, I can ex."  
  
Yugi, about then, broke down crying and fell against his darkness. "I'm frustrated too, Yami! You could at least try to act like it could have been worse! This isn't easy on anyone here!" He bawled a little longer into Yami's shirt, much to Yami's mixed relief. The teen straightened up and sniffled a few times and calmed himself with much difficulty, trying again to find the words. "I don't like Seto, but I can at least set my grievances aside and help him! Why can't you try to do the same?!"  
  
Yami pushed Yugi back a pace and kissed his tears away. "Gommen, aibou. I've been acting selfish. Don't cry anymore, it's going to be all right. I'll try and lighten up a bit and maybe cut back on beating up those two. Rest assured, aibou, I'll change if you want me to." He smiled softly and again kissed his light's dampened cheeks, the gesture causing Yugi to stop crying.  
  
"I had hoped you would," he whispered, his eyes cold. Yami flinched beneath the glare, but kept quiet. "I'm going to Ryou's today to see how Bakura and Malik have been. I need you not to kill Seto or anyone else while I'm gone. The antidote only has a week left to incubate." With that, he abruptly turned on his heel and walked off, leaving Yami in a stupor.  
  
~$@$~  
  
The chaos at Ryou's house was nothing short of the seventh gate of Hell. Bakura was well behaved for his hikari, but Malik was not one to be tamed. He was now in the kitchen, daring Ryou to feed him. Poor Ryou was suffering immeasurably from a headache and frustration, but still he held his temper. "Malik, this isn't negotiable. You have to eat something."  
  
"You can't make me," the boy taunted. Ryou shoved the spoon into the chibi's mouth and pinched his nose shut, his only option would be to swallow and get it over with. Malik spat the squash mixture onto Ryou's shirt and slapped his hands away. "Now you're gonna pay!"  
  
Ryou set the baby food down and put his hands on his hips. "Malik, I swear if you sic Marik on me, you'll go to bed right now with nothing to comfort you but a sore bottom and the knowledge that you could have stayed up longer with a full belly!"  
  
Malik sat up straight and narrowed his eyes. "You don't have the balls, Ryou," he remarked. Ryou gave him the 'try me' look and glared a mighty glare. Little Bakura, becoming both nervous and interested, wolfed down his ravioli with gusto and watched on. The show was well underway. Every time it was time to eat, Malik gave Ryou hell. Ryou always threatened him the same way, but he never actually got as far as backing his word. Neither side really gave in; they would usually reach a negotiation of some sort and leave it at that. Today was different; Ryou wasn't up for negotiations.  
  
"You'll eat what's in front of you or else you won't eat at all. And tomorrow, you'll only get what you didn't eat today. So I'd suggest you eat it now and get this over with before it all ends in tears." The teen had an angry color in his cheeks, and Malik was growing rather pale. "Don't think Marik will get you out of this."  
  
The boy fidgeted inside, but held himself up outside. "You can't make me eat it," he proclaimed and tried to jump out of his highchair. The straps held him in place until an angry Ryou undid them and lifted him up. "Where are you taking me?! I don't believe I said I was finished here!"  
  
Ryou stopped in the hallway and held Malik at arm's length. "You never even started, Malik. And I warned you what would happen if you didn't listen to me and eat something." He continued up the stairs and into Malik's room. He kicked the door shut behind him and sat down in an old chair beside the changing table.  
  
Malik's muffled crying and harsh slapping noises were all that could be heard throughout the house, and Bakura's eyes got wide. Ryou wasn't one to resort to violence of any sort. Scared of what had taken over his hikari, he leapt out of his chair and left his empty plate at the table. Tears spilled down his little cheeks as he ducked behind the couch in the living room to avoid Ryou's anger. *What's happened to you, Ryou? Where's my little wimp? Why did we change places like this?*  
  
He quaked as he heard Ryou come downstairs and sigh heavily. "Bakura," he called and went to the dining room. "Bakura, are you done with.Bakura? Bakura, where did you go?" His footsteps quickly shuffled out of the dining room and all around the ground floor of the house. "Bakura, come on out! You don't have to be scared! Please come out, Bakura! I'm not angry!"  
  
"But you could be," he sniffled and peeked over the sofa. Ryou breathed a sigh of relief and held his arms out to his darkness, but Bakura shied away. "No! You'll get mad about something and you get scary when you're mad! I don't wanna see you mad!" He cried silently and helplessly, trying to hide his face. "I was supposed to be the little bastard! You're making it harder!"  
  
Ryou sighed and smiled. "Bakura," he soothed and scooped him up into his arms. "Bakura, you're not a little bastard. As soon as you and Malik get the antidote I'll go back to being my usual self. You'll be old enough then that I won't have to look after you." He carried Bakura into the kitchen and sat him on top of the counter, wiping his tears away with a clean dishtowel.  
  
Bakura still didn't understand everything. "Demo.does that mean you only hate kids and act mean around them?" He shied away as Ryou's smile faltered a bit, and he expected an angry outburst. "I'll be good, Ryou! I promise! I don't wanna be a kid no more!"  
  
"I know," the teen breathed and hugged the chibi again. "I know this wasn't your choice or Malik's, and I must look like the biggest Nazi to you two. I'm only looking out for you until the antidote is made and administered. Then you'll be back to normal and things will go back to the way they were. You two can go back to being yourselves, and Malik will probably hate me for some time about this. I guess I sort of like having the option of taking your backtalk or not. I like having it my way, even if it is for a short time."  
  
Bakura giggled and took Ryou's hand. "I bet you do," he cooed. Ryou laughed and gathered him up into yet another hug. In his mind, Bakura was making a promise.* I'll keep that in mind next time we go out.*  
  
Upstairs, Malik sniffled and seethed at the sound of their laughter. "That little bastard has it in for me, doesn't he? Dumb bastards.the both of them. They don't care if I die up here, all alone and sad. Well, I'll do just that and show them!" The toddler tumbled out of his bed and stumbled to the bathroom. There had to be something in there he could use.ah, a plastic bag.  
  
In a completely clueless fashion, he shoved the plastic bag into his mouth and clamped his lips shut. He couldn't figure out why he wasn't dying, awaiting death to take him while he breathed in and out through his nose. He gave up and spat the bag out in frustration just as he heard Bakura agree to something Ryou had said.  
  
*Why are they coming up here? To mock me?* Quickly, Malik searched for some sort of alternative to carry out his suicide. He found nothing that would kill him fast enough, so he improvised. Reaching into the medicine chest, he pulled out a large bottle of something called Cod Liver Oil. Oooo.potent.  
  
Ryou looked to the bathroom in time to hear a gag of disgust and the crash of a bottle. "Malik!" he cried out worriedly and set Bakura down. He took off running to the bathroom, heart pumping to burst his ribs. "Malik, I'm on my way! What's happened?!" He stopped and took in the sight of the fish oil on the floor and one grim-faced chibi trying to rid himself of the taste of that junk. "Malik, what were you doing?"  
  
"I DON'T WANNA DIE! NOT FROM THAT!" the chibi burst out crying and began washing out his mouth, avoiding Ryou's confused stare. "Why do you keep that crap anyway? That's not even fit for my worst enemies! You're sick, Ryou! Really sick!"  
  
"I'm sick?" Ryou demanded and picked Malik up. "Well, there's only one cure for that Cod Liver Oil. You'll have to come with me." Malik cried harder, screaming about how he didn't need more medicine. The blonde teen led his charge to the kitchen and sat him in his high chair, strapping him in before he turned to a suspicious cabinet. Malik shook the chair with all his strength to try and tip it over, but Ryou returned too quickly.  
  
The toddler turned his head away each time the spoon came near. "Nononononono! Don't make me! Waaaaah! You want me dead! Why do you mgph!" Ryou shoved the spoon into his mouth and waited for the syrup to take effect. Malik nearly spat it out, but held it in when he found that it wasn't medication at all; it was a huge spoonful of honey. "Why'd you trick me?!" he tried to shout.  
  
"There. That should be lesson enough for you." Ryou smiled sweetly and threw the spoon into the sink. He returned his attention to the transformed bishounen and felt his smile slip away. "Malik, are you all right now? Does your tummy hurt or anything?"  
  
Malik swallowed the honey and sniffled. "Why did you do that? You're mean! I didn't deserve to be tricked like that!" He felt his deafening sobs clogging his throat, but never expected Ryou to unstrap him and hug him. "Nan da? Do you think I'll forgive you now?"  
  
Ryou shook his head. "I don't expect you to," he replied truthfully and rubbed his tiny back. "Malik, I'm sorry I tricked you. I do worry about you when you do things like that, and I worry when you don't eat when you're supposed to. I went a little overboard, but I can't negotiate your health. Do you understand where I'm coming from on this?"  
  
"Uh-huh," Malik nodded. "But that doesn't mean I'll treat you special or nothing when I get back to normal! You'll be on my permanent shit-list if anything!"  
  
"I can deal with that. You'll be old enough to feed yourself by then, and you can decide what's healthier for you." Ryou held Malik at arm's length and looked him in his eyes. "Until then, you'll just have to trust me. I wouldn't get you hurt or sick on purpose." He smiled at Malik's nod and held him in the crook of his arm. The doorbell rang then, much to their surprise.  
  
It was Yugi, and he was very excited. "Yami just called me on the cellphone! Mokuba's found the cure! Come on!" Quickly, Ryou called Bakura and took him outside. The unique little band hurried down the way to the Kaiba Mansion, eager to cure this disease that had over taken them.  
  
~$@$~  
  
The scientist from before (who has no name, for he is not worthy!) emerged with a syringe filled with light blue fluid. "Here we are, and I apologize fir this entire mix up. Perhaps now we can put this entire matter behind us and."  
  
"SHUT UP AND GIVE OVER!" the chorus of chibis demanded. That wasn't to say their caretakers didn't feel similarly. As the little ones' arms were swabbed and prepped for injection, Yami, Yugi, Honda, and Ryou couldn't help but breathe sighs of relief. Seto had to ask as they injected him, "So what's the key to getting us back to normal?"  
  
The scientist smirked. "Estrogen, of all things." It was fortunate Seto was the last one he had to inject, because not a split second later he was forced to run for his life.  
  
"IF I GROW A SET OF TITS 'I'LL KILL YOU!" Chibi-Malik shrieked. "THE LAST THING I NEED IS AN EXTRA FIVE OR SO POUNDS ON MY CHEST!"  
  
Chibi-Jou giggled. "You'd be pretty flat. I'd rather have twenty pounds added to my chest than five."  
  
"Then have a baby!" Chibi-Bakura snapped and got up to run after the scientist. "COME BACK HERE, DILL HOLE! HEEEY! RYOU!" The chibi struggled in his light's grasp, but remembered the episode with Malik and merely harrumphed. "You should let me kill him, Ryou. We don't have to worry about the antidote. Now that it'll turn me into a WOMAN!"  
  
Ryou also gathered a yawning Malik into his arms. "Nonsense. I doubt there's enough estrogen in that injection to change your entire chemical structure. Now come with me and I'll put you down for a nap. No whining; you're sleepy already."  
  
Honda took up Jounounchi and cuddled him like a puppy. "So kawaii! Look at that little face all bunched up in a scowl! Oh, part of me will miss having you like this." He chuckled as Jounounchi's baby fist collided with his jaw, causing next to no pain whatsoever. "I suppose I'll just have to wait and content myself with the thought of our little boy."  
  
"KISAMA! IF YOU PLAN ON HAVING A KID, YOU'D DAMN WELL BETTER GET THE OPERATION YOURSELF! I SURE AS SHIT AM NOT CARRYING A WATERMELON IN MY SHIRT FOR NINE GOD DAMNED MONTHS!" Jounounchi calmed his temper and rested his weary head upon Honda's shoulder, feeling too fatigued to yell anymore.  
  
Seto allowed Yami to lift him up and cart him off. "You know, I've noticed a pattern in this stupid story. Everyone's hooked up except for you and me. How is that?"  
  
Yami smiled. "It would never work. I mean, think about it."  
  
(Happy birthday, nimrod!)  
  
~$@$~  
  
Within one night, the rightful order of the Yu-Gi-Oh world had been restored. Jounounchi and Honda, normal again and unashamed to admit their feelings to one another, hooked up and promptly made passionate love on the couch. Malik, fully restored, made it a point to avoid Ryou. Bakura quickly swept up his hikari and escorted him to the bathroom, where they engaged in vicious sex of Biblical proportions.  
  
Seto returned to being a tight ass duelist, but decided Yami was right. And besides, it was more fun to play the bitch than Sweet Polly Purebred. Yami and Yugi, caught up in the heat of the moment, went to a secluded section of the lab and.did their little 'duelist' thing. ^-^  
  
Mokuba was absolutely relieved to have his brother back and made it known. Since it was completely wrong for them to strip down and do the nasty, Seto quickly bought airline tickets to a remote island no one had ever heard of.  
  
No not really. I'll get my ass beat if I continue that far. But it should be noted that no one grew breasts or any sort of female organ they had feared would blossom. But.there might be a sequel in the mix.  
  
As long as Nimrod lives that long. ^-^ 


End file.
